Flanders Fields

I have recently come across a quite interesting consideration: "disappointment" is inevitable while "discouragement" is a choice. Is it true? You are disappointed when you don't achieve the results you wished for: things don't turn out "right", people behave "wrongly" etc... Can you avoid any of this? Hardly. Things happen they way they do, people are the way they are and you have to face different kinds of challenges on a daily basis. Anyway, isn't this what life is made of? But being discouraged implies a different situation. You are disappointed and you don't know how to face the challenge. Maybe you "know" but you don't feel like doing it, maybe you don't trust yourself enough, you don't believe you can do it, you wonder if it's worth it to make the effort. And this is dangerous, because - by accepting it - you put yourself on the direct route towards depression, i.e. feeling that such kind of life ...

One of the saddest things that can happen to you is to realize that your life has been lived in an imaginary illusion of righteousness. You have said things, done things, behaved in a certain way, made decisions in the firm belief that you were saying the right things, that your actions were fair, that your behavior was correct, that your decisions were wise. Then, all of a sudden, you find out that you had been living in a dream and that now you are compelled to wake up and see how naive you have been, to what extent you have deceived yourself. No one is responsible but you. What can you do? Accept the bitter truth and hope that you are still capable to act and react, that you still have time, that your will is still strong enough to encourage you to start all over again, from scratch. A tough - but necessary choice.

Every time we start something, even when we start it "again", our path is never mapped out in advance. We have to invent it, create it every single time. What does this mean? It means that we should not be deterred by previous failures to achieve our goals, because the past does not repeat itself. But... Be careful! The past does not repeat itself - in spite of a well-known saying that states the opposite - provided we use our brains and keep our eyes open. What is needed here is more open-mindedness, more creativity, a greater ability to see things from a different perspective, to accept new possibilities. It is necessary to dare stepping into unknown grounds, to take risks and have faith in the results. The past should be our teacher, not our guide. A teacher helps us to learn, makes us able to solve our own problems, but does not tell us how to actually do things. On the other hand, if we keep remembering our previous experiences while starting a new endeavor, we remain t...

One characteristic of being human is the need for not only certainty but also certitude. No difference between the two? Not quite. Where certainty means a state of being certain, certitude means a state of feeling absolutely convinced. The difference is that certitude is a feeling while certainty involves inherent factuality. Therefore, you are certain that tomorrow the sun will rise because it always happens, it's scientifically proven, but you may or may not experience certitude as to the existence of God, the goodness of people, the motivations behind your actions. No big deal, you might say, and you would be probably right. But I believe that oftentimes the "feeling" is more fulfilling than the actual situation. Knowing something because there is proof is easier than believing, accepting as true a fact that is suggested only by your inner self, your intuition. And it's not always comfortable to accept it and follow its directions. Responsibility is involved ...

One of the greatest intuitions is the reality of "relativity". N ot referring to Einstein's theories, but to our every-day life. If you really think about it, we realize that not only time but absolutely everything is "relative", i.e. it doesn't have an absolute value. Let's say that we want something but we can't get it. If we attribute to our desire an absolute value, if we, therefore, believe that we "must" have it because without it we will be unhappy, not getting it will greatly disappoint us, it will make us sad and/or angry. But if you come to the realization that, after all, your desire is not so important, that you can live without it, our life will become easier and more serene. Why? Because our disappointments and upsets will remarkably decrease. We will more often say, "So...what?", and move on.

Are you able to say, "I don't know."? Can you admit your 'ignorance'? Most people can't. By admitting that they don't have any or enough knowledge of a certain fact, happening or situation, they believe they demean themselves. They don't realize that the opposite is true. When you insist on trying to convince another of your incorrect statement or opinion, you end up making a fool of yourself. There is no shame in not knowing something. No-one knows everything. Unfortunately, in our competitive world, many have grown to believe that such admission would be a sign of weakness, of inferiority. They need to feel "superior" at all costs.

Accepting others as they are might seem an easy task to carry out. But...is it really? Easier said than done. When you find yourself in a situation where somebody else challenges your opinion or belief, where another behaves in a way that displeases, hurts or offends you, can you willingly accept their words or actions? Can you convince yourself that they, too, have the right to express themselves as they prefer? The fact is that you (like everybody else) have created an imaginary world where all goes according to your wishes. But it is just this, "imaginary". It does not correspond to reality. The real world is what it is, people are what they are, independently from your utopian mental realm.

When someone offends you or annoys you, your first reaction is to condemn them, to thwart them, to want to counterattack. It is a very natural feeling because it is human nature: always ready to "react", usually in a negative way. However, after the first reaction, before a second step is taken: a careful analysis of the situation and, consequently, a more mature reassessment of what has happened should be taken. If you are mature enough, you will come to understand that all your negative reaction is useless. Moreover, it's also harmful ... for "you"! Instead of being grudging and angry, know that everything that has happened is never as bad as destroying your peace of mind. Forgive and forget...life can be really good if you learn to minimize your excess pride and self-pity.

I recently had to carry out a certain math calculation, while appearing for an exam . It was not particularly difficult and I got the result in due time. But it did not sound right. I did sums, subtractions and divisions over and over and the result did not change. It was correct. Yet... it just could not be. Finally, I realized where the mistake was. I had started from a wrong assumption! As the starting point was wrong, all the subsequent operations, although they were carried out exactly, could not give the suitable result. Don't you also, every now and then, start a thought from the wrong premises? And when the starting thought, or belief, is incorrect, also the subsequent words and actions will not yield the results you expected. You judge a new acquaintance in a negative way? If you do not give yourself the time to check it out, you might miss the chance of making a good friend. Is being the winner in every discussion your top priority? Don't expect to be appreciated by...